The place beyond the event horizon

I decided to shift to:

http://enlightendestiny.wordpress.com/

this place is mainly filled with unhappy memories.

They work with models and use the (Gauss Markov) chain.

My previous post is on 19th November.. it is over 3 months since i last posted here, which is a good sign that things have not gone bad. Not really busy though, just that i have nothing to write on because i am not thinking a lot. Only take 1 econs module this semester and i can expect to have an easier time since i don't really care about the other modules. Just don't do too badly, perhaps a B+ will put a smile on my face. But the 2nd upper is probably secured if i scored all As this sem. Mathematically it is still possible for first class, I just need to get all As from now till i graduate. This is too much work and i must stick closer to reality. There are always deviations from expectations which are called variances. I just need to minimise these variances and smooth out my grades over 3 sems.

Another half a sem and it is the long break. Hopefully i can find an internship so i have something to do for that 3 months. Alright, I had new media mid term today. There is still logic tomorrow and finance on wednesday. Not too bad, I am going to take a nap first before i start reading through.

Maybe i should start regular training again, just to kill time, instead of spending most of my free time sleeping at home.

By the way, i am still finding people who can break my heart. Please introduce me if you know any. This is for my own good. To feel broken as much as possible, until nothing of this sort can hurt me. This is a good mental training. Until my heart turn solid metal, cold with no feeling. Well i guessed my heart is half way there now. I hope my cold heart can bring coldness everywhere i go. And this would greatly help minimising the impact of global warming.

Thanks for the cheese cake! I eat until very full... =)

was in school today again, lucky it didn't rain.. so managed to do some studying in school.. damn bored.. i wish exam can come and end soon..

To know the world better, we human beings need to experience it. People read newspaper everyday to get hold of news and weird things they do not experience personally; to know things happening around them and in other parts of the world. This certainly is true not only to human beings, but also to fruits. A certain fruit known as the mango needs to read newspaper to get hold of vital information. This is the reason why we see most people put mangoes on newspaper. They want it to be "mature". Of course in this context, we have to change the adjective and say to make it "ripe".

livejournal is getting slower.. took 30minutes to load this page..

haiz really getting restless these few days.. did nothing.. not even a lot of games.. just spent most of the time lying on bed.. wasting time.. thinking about don't know what.. just feeling tired without doing anything.. feel rather sian of studying somehow.. still 2 more years though..

somehow i feel a little sad for myself when i hear friends around getting attached.. i just didn't work hard enough.. girls i am interested in are attached.. yeah maybe they are not the ones.. i wonder when can i meet one..

right now i am not thinking of chasing around any girls i know around me.. maybe i feel it is kind of embarassing if we were to have common friends.. then it will be a weird feeling.. i wonder when can i meet someone whom i am interested in.. i guessed it is hard.. really don't know how to approach girls.. don't know what to do.. don't know whether she is the right one..

gonna be a lonely life ahead.. i don't wish to live long.. i don't want to face the 4 walls alone every night..

i need to be more confident.. maybe that will attract someone.. it is weird how easy i see people around me get attached.. but i don't know what hard work they have put in to achieve that..

right now i just hope that every day will pass quickly.. every week pass quickly.. every month pass quickly.. just work and work everyday till i have no time for other things..

i am sorry.. i cannot contribute to improve singapore's low replacement rate.. all the child bonuses are nothing to the unmarried person..

If you think you know me enough, help me fill in this form..

If you don't know me enough, also can fill it in, so i know how people think of me.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=19Lam11Yi85Hong

School is boring now. No motivation to sit in the canteen to study. Only have an hour class on Wednesdays. So Wednesdays and Fridays are my free days.

Nothing to do at home.. nono.. something to do but i am just lazy.. i am not studying.. i am not playing game.. just wasting time.. maybe i should just go school again to have lunch again.. i did that last week.. just travel to school, eat lunch and come back home again.. But maybe today i shall go to chinatown.. i have cravings for mutton soup, turtle soup and or some other nice soups i can find.

Okie.. i guessed today is slack day.. just lie around doing nothing..

Feel dizzy after a run yesterday night. Ran 15km. I guessed maybe because i am not used to running so long. Spent 1hour 30minutes haiz..

School started but i still feel relaxed
I have 5 modules but since 3 are ungraded S/U, i only have 2 modules in practice. Still feel relaxed but is already tired from the travelling to ntu. Lucky i did not choose there 2 years ago. If not i will be dead tired everyday just from travelling.

Module Approved
The main thing which occupies my mind the last few weeks.. At last, the exchange module was mapped over successfully. So slow and ineffective. And it is still a double standard. Because different modules can be mapped to different codes, based on the discretion of whoever decides the mappings. Never mind about that, after it is done, everything happened in the past is history. What already happened in the past has already been reflected in my present, and possibility my future.

Today
My day started early today at 12am, when 5 of us went to changi airport to send another friend off on his exchange to canada. Stayed till about 4am. I reached home at around 4:30am.. i guessed by that time i already decided to skip AB102 seminar at 0830 hrs.

When my mum woke me up at 0630 i told her i am not going for school till afternoon. I went on to sleep and when i woke up again, it was already 1pm. Damn i thought.. i was going to be late again.. there was a presentation today for AB113 at 2:30pm and i basically did nothing except finding things for my software part.. I feel quite bad for leaving the powerpoint slides to the rest of my groupmates.. Reached in time.. gave a very bad presentation for my part because i was ill prepared.. ar nvm.. at least it is over now.. still have AB102 essay 3 to do, i think i am just like a bastard leaving work to my groupmates because i really cannot find a common time to meet them. Sometimes it is possible though but for me to travel for an hour plus to reach ntu for a 30min meeting is just inefficient. Nvm.. i hope i can just contribute whatever they need..

The rest of the week...
My week ended today.. But i still need to go down to the old police academy to get my deferment done.. somehow that fucker working at PNSD doesn't answer my email.. i hate calling because i can't talk well.. so i should go down and talk face to face and submit whatever i need to. Although i understand the need for national service for our defence, but NS seriously disrupted my life. I and serveral other people i knew may well continue our way to train for SEA games but NS stopped everything. And after NS it is difficult to restart everything again. The mood isn't there anymore. The physical strength isn't there anymore. YES, NS certainly doesn't train us to be fit. It is deteoriating our physical strength instead. I still remember my weight was the most during NS times when i hit nearly 60kg.

Well.. i still increased my weight.. i always have the fallacy that my weight is always constant around 55kg. This certainly is a good news which means i am eating more than i used up as energy. But i am still underweight, I still look skinny. I need to get bigger in size. If not, ladies will not feel secured being together with me.. then i cannot find a girlfriend forever.

Okie.. i guess i need to sleep.. quite a busy weekend i expect.. but i am too lazy to start anything.. my microeconomics is piling up and i need to clear it before the next week starts.